Havent updated lately.

So I thought I should.

For one thing, I really need to stop buying stuff off the internet. My parents really dont have extra money but I swear im like.. blah. Instead of being addicted to drugs,alcohol or gambling, its buying shit online. xD! Anyways. Yeah. I bought.. A necklace/pair of earrings that match my anklet, and a bracelet. Its so cute. x3 Ahem. Also that day I bought a pair of Emily slippers. x3!!! They're kitties. <333 And Since they were on sale I bought a pair of spiderweb arm warmers. Muaha. Hey, Halloween is coming up neh? Anyways. Before that.. I had went on a spree. D: I bought inuyasha boxset 3 and 4, Escaflowne the movie special edition boxset thing, and the movie 'Millenium princess' Yes, anime spree. That was.. a bit ago though. And then today.. I.. blah. xD I bought something to help me with something. O__o; Ill leave it vague like that, because you all dont need to know anyways! D: But its from the Kalhari desert! xD!! ...Ahem. Seriously. But yeah, that was 120bucks. Moms gonna kill me when this months credit card bill comes... But I've made a promise, that I wont buy anything else now. The only thing Ill use the card for is adding minutes to a phone card. Anything else, Ill ask mom/dad first before yeah. So blah. Theres only one thing I want right now anyways, and dads gonna look at walmart too see if they have that anyways. Besides, its to help me lose weight and Im sure thats something they'd actually waste their money on. xD Excersize equipment. With this addition, I swear we'd have an entire gym in our house.

Right now we have..

-Stationary Bike
-Treadmill
-Weightlifting machine, which includes leg lift, pull down thing,push up bar and whatever else.
and if daddy buys me what I want..
-A stair climber thingy.

I hate excersizing. Imensely. Mainly because its hard and tiring, and I have no energy. Sigh, the wonderful world of being obese neh? But anyways. A few years back when I was in adaptive gym in 10th grade, they had one of those stair machines. I tried it.. and it was tiring as HELL. XD Mainly because I just tried to see how many I could do in a minute.. and about died. Ahem. But- I kinda liked it. It doesnt hurt my ass like a stationary bike. D: They need a nice big cushiony butt pillow for that bitch. Then I'd use it more often im sure. xD! But anyways. You burn the most calories doing stairs! Ahem. Well, thats what the little paper thingy the doctors gave me said. The only thing that burns more calories in a ten minute session, would be running at 13 mph. O__o; For ten minutes. I cant run for like 3 fucking minutes! And most likely not at no 13mph either! xD Come on people, get serious. So yeah.

I.. I dont have much to do with my life right now. Im not really in school, aside from my art lessons which I slack off at... and I basically spend all my days waiting for Ryan. And I think its become pretty clear that he doesnt want to be with me now. -Sighs.- He's happy with her I guess, and Im just not going to be able to make him happy like that now. I hate it, especially when all I do all day is wait for him, because all I wanna do is talk to him!! So yeah!! Depression much? And I wont take my pills.. because Im too much of a pervert and I watch a lot of porn and that gets me horny and you see where this is going?!!? xD! Anywho.

I just.. yeah. Id like to try and focus on excersizing more, and eating less now. I guess just try to lose weight.. I mean, it will make me feel better physically and mentally, but it isnt going to make me happy the way I want to be. But I guess somewhere inside me Im hoping that if I get skinnier.. he'll think im prettier or something. And end up liking me more. Yeah.. that's so stupid but its just something I cant help but think of.

I just dont know what else to do, I've said everything I could think of to him and its still not enough. So.. maybe if I change how I look, it'll spark something. Stupid.. I know. But hey, it'll be making me healthier too eh?

I just hope I dont give up on this time too. I always give up. Gah.

Anyways, yeah. Last time I went to the doctors was on the 11th, I got weighed and they said I lost 3 pounds. Going from my scale at home, which is a new digital good one like the doctors only.. much smaller- Im now at 396. Yesh, no longer in the 400s. Yay. But When I first weighed myself on this scale it said I was at 400. When the doctors scale said 403. So yeah, theres a slight differance between the two scales. Either way, I've lost some weight. How much depends on which scale we're going by!xD But since Im at home, Im going to continue going by my scale.

So, I weigh 396.

October 1st- 405pds.
October 11th- 400pds.
0ctober 21st- 396pds.

Next doctor appointment is- November 9th.

I'll weigh myself again.. on Halloween! Just to be fun and stick with the 10 day thing. Hopefully they'll be some progression still.

Man my back hurts. Im gonna go watch some tv or a movie.. and munch on some popcorn. Dont worry its 'lite' xD Man. Our house is like.. diet world. But anywho. I hope someone out there is proud of me. OH!

And I got my first compliment about losing weight a few days ago from Michelle!

I saw her in walmart and we were both like.. 'Eee!! -glomp-' X3 She works there now. Proud of her. And so we talk for a bit and shes like 'Have you lost weight? You look good.' I was like.. blah blah, a few pounds.. and told her about the surgery and what I have to do for it.. and she was like 'You look better since school.' or something like that. Lol. Well.. It made me happy. I hadnt really lost much weight at that time maybe 3 pounds, but at least I was looking better/healthier.

So yeah. That made me feel special. I miss Michelle. I wanna hang out with her sometime.. Also Liza.. and Kay. But with Kay.. just Kay. Not Kay and Brad. I dont think we need a repeat of last Saturday. Im so not getting into that one. XD..

Well.. Buhbye for now I guesh. <3